Foster the People’s New Album is Actually a 20-Something Self-Help Book


Foster the People’s new album, Supermodel, was released two days ago. It’s their sophomore effort, coming three years after their debut Torches took them from indie sweethearts to overplayed rock stars in about the span of a month during the summer of 2011.

That naturally puts a lot of pressure on this album to be of equal or greater quality. Quickly glancing at the track list though makes you wonder pretty quickly if this is an indie rock record or some kind of aggressive youth manifesto — is there a difference, come to think of it?

Seriously though, these song titles are actually 11 chapters of a twenty-something self-help book. Let’s take a look at what they are, and the summaries of existential angst they’d cover in a potential hardback. Word to the wise, better consumed while listening to the actual songs:

Are You What You Want to Be?

Who are you? Why can’t you stop complaining about your well-paying, comfortable job that you’ve had for 1-3 years? If you don’t actually have that job, how can you get it so you can complain about it? What do you want to do? What are you supposed to be? Nanananananananana nananaannananana yeah yeah yeah yeah we’re 22-28.

Ask Yourself

Ask more questions that seem simultaneously profound and pointless. Get annoyed with yourself. Come to a conclusion that you’re not supposed to have all the answers so everything is okay. Apply to grad school. Get a cat. Throw both out the window. Feel like you can do anything in the world but that you’re constantly not doing enough.

Coming of Age

Reality check. You’re not always right. No matter how hard you try, someone will always think you’re an asshole. Time to burn this book because you’re suspicious the person who wrote it doesn’t have a fucking clue what they’re talking about. Hang on, there are eight chapters left.


Gotcha. The writer of this book is also a twenty something. Haha.

Pseudologia Fantastica

Look, it’s okay to start over when thing’s aren’t going well. You’re 23 for Christ’s sake. It’s not like you have a spouse and kids. What? You have a kid? Well what the hell were you thinking? Of course your life is over. Skip to chapter 11.

The Angelic Welcome of Mr. Jones

[sixteen blank pages]

Best Friend

Look, you’re going to hurt people. People are going to hurt you. When shit happens to you, you’ll whine about it until you realize the quicker you pick yourself up the quicker you can move forward. Until that moment, your friends will be there to grab a beer and bitch about the world with you. Misery loves company, right?

A Beginner’s Guide to Destroying the Moon

Basically, you should hit rock bottom at some point. Get it out of the way. 40 year olds don’t wear it well.

Goats in Trees

Why do you feel like you’ve been running as fast as you can and going no where? Well, for starters, you’re on a treadmill at the shitty 24 Hour Fitness around the corner from your apartment. Get off, mop your face with an unclean towel, shower, and go do something creative.

The Truth

Look, bottom line is you already know what’s right for you. You just have to listen to yourself. The Truth is inside you. No, that doesn’t refer to future NBA Hall of Famer Paul Pierce.

Fire Escape

You did it! You’ve now figured everything out! Buy our record. Also, here’s a bumper sticker:


  1. As a 28 year old, I mostly imagine “The Angelic Welcome of Mr. Jones” Chapter as the period when I regress to my time as a 9 year old, listening to my mom’s Counting Crows albums and daydreaming about a life that is entirely ahead of me.

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